I am seventeen and just recently had my first child. It will be an experience that i will never forget. My child was supposed to be born April 27 2008 but gastroschisis made other plans. On Wednesday Febuary 27 i went into the hospital to check the babies heart rate. I hadn`t felt any movement for over 24 hours. The nurse had a look of panic on her face when she couldnt find a heartbeat.
I knew right away that he had died.
They then took me to the ultrasound room and proclaimed that they could not find a heartrate and my son was presumably gone. I was in complete and utter shock. Just last week i was looking through adoption profiles to give my son the future he deserved and now he will never have a future.
My mother was there to support me the whole time. I was then admitted into the hospital right away. I was induced by taking a pill every 4 hours to send me into labor. I was put on morphine drip and i.v after 10 min. Everything around me was happening so fast.
I was not prepared for this to happen that day. I wasnt prepared for a normal delivery either i had planed on having a c-section. I was in labor for over 24 hours till Finally on the 29th at 1:30 i started delivery. It took all of about 7 min till he was out.
The only medication i had was morphine. Once they cut the cord and took him to be cleaned and wrapped it finally sunk in that he was gone. I cried so hard i was hysterical. My mother and my sons father were in the room at the time. I got to hold him all wrapped up in a blanket afterward and his hand and face was the only thing i wanted to see. I just wrapped his fingers around my index fingure and held him. I couldnt believe that he was gone. I had loved him so much.
The afterbirth would not come out because it was so early. I then had to go for a DNC where they remove the afterbirth surgically. I had lost half my blood volume in delivery and during surgery.
When i came back from surgery his father was gone, and he was also taken to the funeral home. His father had left me at around five months into the pregnancy and then not even a couple weeks after that he was already dating someone else. I did not figure the second part out til the morning after delivery when i was still in the hospital he told me. I was getting a blood transufion and filling out a death certificate. I couldn`t believe it. I then stayed in the hospital until Sunday and was released to go home.
Now i feel alone. I sometimes wonder why god chose me to have this heavy burdon. I never did anything wrong. I followed all the rules never even coming around 2nd hand smoke because i wanted everything for my child. I watch as other teen moms smoke everyday and i become very bitter. Im not ashamed that i am a teen mother. I did nothing wrong. But i am ashamed that i am clumped together with people who dont take care of themselves or their child.
I am not irresponsible and i am not immature. I just feel cheated. I know i was too young to give him everything a baby needed, and i wish i could have given the couple i had picked out a child. Even if hes not with me as long as i know that hes living a normal life like every other child i would have been happy. But i didn`t even get that. The doctors gave me no reason to fear this. Every visit i went to all my doctors made the same comment, that he was so active and moved so much.
I named my son Aiden Ray Delvallee
I will always love him -Devon