My daughter Erin was born with gastroschisis in 2002. Her father and I were completely shocked, as we were both healthy and not at all high risk. My doctor had no idea how to handle this defect and referred us to Perinatal clinic. That week before the appointment with the specialist was the worst of my life.
The internet was full of horrific stories, and one pro-choice website described this condition as a reason mothers should be granted late-term abortions, that the child was sentenced to a short, painful life. The misinformation I found was incredible. I was barely able to function, wondering if my baby was in pain, and what I could have done differently prevent this.
Lucky for us, the specialist put or fears to rest, and assured us that with careful monitoring, and timing the birth properly (after the lungs were developed, before the intestines became too damaged) our daughter had a great chance at a normal life, was not in any pain, and there was no way to determine why this occurred.
My daughter arrived 4 weeks early. Her intestines had begun to dilate (a sign they are becoming damaged by amniotic fluid) and I entered the hospital to have my labor induced, only to find I was already in labor! The surgery went very well, although basically all of her intestines were outside of her abdomen, they were able to get them all back in again.
It was intimidating and hard to bond with her, she was my first child, and I was afraid of hurting her. The nurses seemed so competent and knowledgeable, and I felt so uncertain that I would just sit by her side, often afraid to touch her for dislogding her tubes or bumping the respirator. I think it may have been a mild case of post partum depression, because I remember feeling awful because while my daughter was beautiful, I didn’t feel that instant bond so many women describe, and it was intensified by my fear of touching and holding her.
After just 23 days, Erin came home, and then everything changed. Without the nurses and doctors looking over my shoulders, I relaxed, and learned how to care for my baby. She built up much scar tissue in her abdomen (she also had kidney surgery at 5 months, unfortunately she had kidney defects as well) and was prone to constipation and vomiting, and a bit slow to hit developmental markers, due to all the time in the hospital and being a bit early. As we bonded, I realized how blessed I was, to be a mother to this spirited, beautiful girl.
Today my daughter is 5, and in kindergarten. She is completely normal aside from still being prone to constipation. She is so smart, loves to “help” with household chores, cut out pictures from magazines to make collages, and read whatever children’s stories she can get her hands on. To anyone facing this issue now, with a pregnancy or a newborn still in the hospital….I know how lucky I am, and my daughter is….I pray you willl be just as lucky, so 5 years from now you feel the same joy that I do every day.
